


Sweetness, I Was Only Joking

by Caracalliope



Series: obey obey obey submit submit submit comply comply comply [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Background Gender Horror, Candy Jane Crocker, Candy Roxy Lalonde, Crockercorp (Homestuck), Extremely Dubious Consent, Extremely Twisted Fluff, Fear, Mind/Mood Altering Substances, Other, Placation, Psychological Horror, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:15:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26800501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caracalliope/pseuds/Caracalliope
Summary: Jane just loves canoodling with her bestie! But sometimes, Roxy needs to be kept in line.
Relationships: Jane Crocker/Roxy Lalonde
Series: obey obey obey submit submit submit comply comply comply [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1413760
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	Sweetness, I Was Only Joking

**Author's Note:**

> The JUNIOR BATTERMASTER’S BOWLBUSTER STIRRING SOLUTION 50000 is from Pesterquest. I'm not sure if the name refers to the cake mix or the spoon - so I went with the spoon in this fic! If you haven't played Pesterquest, it's a big red brainwashing Crockercorp(TM) spoon that has a huge impact on Jane's psyche and also her cooking.

Canoodling with her only best friend is one of the few simple pleasures in Jane’s life. Roxy’s cozy little kitchen is warm and smells like cinnamon, and Jane unbuttons her dress shirt all the way down. Roxy nuzzles at her breasts like a needy kitten, and Jane sinks her fingers into Roxy’s hair, which is growing long enough to curl around her fingers again. Not that Jane has a say in it, but she approves - her BFFsie is maturing into an elegant dame.

But _something_ is just a little wrong, settling in the back of Jane’s mind. She downed two pieces of licorice before coming over, to facilitate this touch-happy mood that tickles Roxy pink. The cherubic enhancement always sharpens her instincts. With her fingers trailing up and down Roxy’s back, she lets her mind catch up with what she’s feeling.

With the world turning crazy around them, it’s up to Jane to keep everyone in line, and Roxy makes it easier than most. Jane got no pushback when she raided Roxy’s cupboards and fridge before they started making out. To her satisfaction, there’s nothing alcoholic stashed in this pretty kitchen. Now, if Roxy wanted to get back to being zozzled all the time, Jane would help with that too. She’d make sure that Harry Anderson’s being taken care of. John likely wouldn’t cause a ruckus, being stuck in his bedroom like a sadsack. If he did, well, Jane has never had problems dealing with unruly husbands. But Roxy said she doesn’t want that, so Jane will help her stay on the straight and narrow.

That’s not it, though. There’s something else, something Roxy has done wrong. Jane has shaken down all of the nooks and crannies in this kitchen, and she didn’t find - oh! Of course.

“Dear, where is the JUNIOR BATTERMASTER’S BOWLBUSTER STIRRING SOLUTION 50000?”

Roxy smiles, in a way that suddenly strikes Jane as vapid.

“It was a gift,” Jane says, blood rising to her cheeks. “A precious family heirloom, and I hoped you would take care of it. Did you lose it?”

“Of course not,” Roxy replies. She’s doing something with her voice that Jane doesn’t like, but at least she’s not squirming away. “I’ve got it safe in the pantry, can I show you?”

Roxy doesn’t move until Jane nods. That spoon belongs in the kitchen, and Jane meant for it to help feed Roxy’s family. The thought of it gathering dust somewhere, it’s not pleasant. It’s the same kind of annoying that Jane keeps running into so much at work. Something’s out of place, something’s not being used correctly. Everything on Earth C has an important purpose to serve! And it seems like Jane’s the only one who knows that, some days.

Roxy leads her to the pantry, holding on to her hand. Jane should probably button up, but she feels too warm all of a sudden. The pantry’s too cluttered, too cold.

There’s a moment of tension when Roxy waves her hand and nothing happens - has she been keeping the BATTERMASTER in the Void somehow? Jane doesn’t like that thought. Then Roxy waves again, and a bunch of green cubes spill out around her. The clatter is surprisingly loud, and Jane fleetingly wonders whether John heard it. She watches Roxy crouch down, awkward in her flowery pink dress, and then watches her layer the cubes into a makeshift green footstool. Why does Roxy never float lately? The thought drifts by, unimportant.

Roxy climbs up, even more awkward with those kitten heels on. The spoon is there on the top shelf, hidden behind some preserves. Jane exhales.

“Gotta keep it away from my boys!” Roxy chirps, standing on her cubes, clutching the spoon with both hands. “You know how useless they both are in the kitchen.”

Jane stays quiet, steps closer. She hasn’t used the BATTERMASTER in, gosh, so long. She used to be so dramatic about never touching it again. When she was young and scared, everything about her heritage seemed dangerous. She’s got a family now, and she knows much better.

Roxy’s keeping the spoon out of her reach, standing still on her ridiculous tower of blocks.

“Turn around, Roxy-dear, for me.”

With small, shuffling steps, Roxy obeys. She should have built her stool wider, but she never thinks ahead.

Her arms are fixed over her head, and her dress is clinging to her tiny breasts with no interim layer. She looks ridiculous, funny all of a sudden. Jane puts a hand on the middle of Roxy’s chest, feels her tremble. Maybe Roxy’s too warm as well, or too cold, or both at once.

“I think you had better keep that thing away from me,” Jane hears herself say. “It’s a weapon, you know. You’d know if you had ever bothered to use it.”

“I know,” Roxy breathes. “But we don’t need weapons right now, honey. There’s no assassins here, no, um, trouble-stirrers. Just you and me.”

“Think I couldn’t use it on you?” Jane laughs, steps closer. Her hands are on Roxy’s hips now. If she stood on her tiptoes, she could reach Roxy’s nipples with her teeth.

Her sense of humor used to be nicer than this. She blames Makara. “The handle is tough enough to stripe you up, make sure you don’t forget about my gift ever again. And the bowl, well.” Her hands slide down Roxy’s sides, then slide back up under the edge of her dress. “It’s pretty big, but I bet you had bigger things inside you. Before marriage, I mean.”

“Oh, hahaha,” Roxy says, and she’s still as a statue. “Nope, not me! I’m tiny down there. I don’t like anything bigger than fingers. Human - human fingers. Sorry if that’s TMI!”

Is it? Jane is faithful to her two fellas, in most of the ways that count. But her best friend forever is something of a slut, and Jane doesn’t hold that against her. She kneads Roxy’s ass with less gentleness than usual. She doesn’t need a spoon to leave bruises! Instinct tells her that she can do what she wants with Roxy, and it will mean less than it usually would.

“Janey, please don’t be mad at me,” Roxy whispers, a feather-light hand coming down to rest on Jane’s shoulder. “Okay? I can stand - a lot of things - but not that.”

Jane doesn’t want to think about the past when she’s this warm and angry and amused. But she does understand. Roxy never liked to disappoint them, and she never could help it. With Dirk dead and Jake withered into a cowardly husk, Jane’s got to do the right thing and give her infinite chances to make up for her behavior.

“Hoo hoo hoo,” she says at last, squeezing and letting go. She’s never played with Roxy’s nipples before, but she can see the appeal. She licks the left one through the fabric of Roxy’s dress, and it’s hard and cold against her tongue. “Whatever you say, dear. Want to show me what you can stand? But you better stand still!”

 _That_ ’s a better joke than Makara could manage under the circumstances, and Roxy laughs a moment later. Then her arm goes back up to clutch the spoon, and Jane can barely feel her chest move. There are lots of ways to make Roxy remember the lesson Jane’s got to teach her, and Jane doesn’t have to be mean if she doesn't want to.


End file.
